Friday, December 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Latest Project
I saw that these were becoming very popular. I’ve crocheted before but just simple stuff like scarfs and wash cloths. But I decided I would take a stab at making some. So far so good it just takes forever F O R E V E R to make because I'm slow. I started by searching on YouTube and this lady has been amazing to follow. She explains things really well and goes slow for us beginners. I’m trying to make as many as I can for the upcoming fair I’m doing with my sister in November. I've made bear, girlie and now bird ones. It's kind of fun. The pic below is my little sister wearing the one I made for her. She liked her it. Her mom told me she slept in it that night. :)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
PCOS
It's not a secret I have been struggling to carry a child. Because I haven't had the same Doctor for all of my 4 pregnancies (1st one we lived in SLC, 2nd we moved to Cedar, 3rd on the 2nd Dr. sent me to a specialist, and the 4th one we moved back to SLC) it's been difficult to find if there is another underlining issue going on besides my diabetes.
Over a year ago my Endocrinologist had wondered if I might have PCOS. (Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome) I have always struggled with weight gain, insulin resistance, acne, and irregular periods especially when I’m on a high level of insulin. She ran some tests and also found that I had high levels of testosterone that would explain the hair thinning on my head and extra hair where it shouldn’t be. She referred me to an OB/GYN to get a diagnosis and to also get on a game plan to start trying to conceive again. I remember thinking that I’m pretty sure I don’t have PCOS mainly because I don’t want another disease to deal with but also I had assumed that since it was a syndrome that causes cysts on the ovaries, there had been so many Dr.’s poking around down there and not one of them mentioned any cysts or the possibility of having PCOS! So it just seemed very unlikely to me or again I think I was just in denial. But I went to the OB. After 2hrs of waiting in the waiting area the OB’s PA came in…. she didn’t examine me or ask me any questions… and said (in so many words) that the reason why I had all the above symptoms was because I was obese and to not try to conceive. She even asked if I wanted her to prescribe me a birth control. I was devastated! I get the whole “medical opinion” but COME ON!! You don’t want to make sure that your patient is having medical issues JUST because they are a fatty mc fat face??!! I ended up leaving totally discouraged and done! Done! I’m so tired of the lack of care from medical care professionals! I don't want someone to tell me what I want to hear!
But I do want someone to tell me that we will find the problem, make sure it’s the problem, find the cause of the problem and find the solution. I would like a Doctor who will be on my team that will work just as hard or be a good coach that will give me the best game plans!
I haven’t had a Primary Care Doctor for over a year. My previous one….…. well that’s a long story no reason to go into it now.
My Endo can pretty much take care of all my diabetic things but she can’t do much else. Like a sickness and with the recent one and what happened to my body I knew it was time to get a Primary. I had watched a news story of MD and D.O’s. A D.O is someone who studies Osteopath. In a nut shell D.O’s focus on holistic healing, trying to solve medical issues by dealing with what’s going on mentally and emotionally. For a diabetic this is HUGE because stress and other life issues affect the insulin and sugar goings on in our bodies. This news story also talked about M.D.’s also being D.O.’s. So in my imagination I pictured a person that not only would take care of my medical needs but also giving me instruction and advise on how to take care of my personal and life needs. Since I was blind I sent Scott on a mission to find a MD/DO that took our insurance. The D.O. he made an appointment with was at a funeral so we saw another Dr. The first thing she asked was “How are you?” I went directly to telling her about my recent health issues and she said “That’s good. But how are YOU?” I was surprised but also vindicated. This is what I wanted and needed my Dr. to ask me. Dr. Baiden is her name. She isn't a D.O but she gave me power, strength, a tongue lashing, advise, confidence, a game plan, a realistic outlook but hope and a.......hug. I am that person who sometimes just needs someone to hold your hand, look you straight in the face and say ……..we will fight it and if there is a way to fix it we will find it!
So Dr. Baiden had done a lot of her pre-med with the OB department at the U of U. So she knows a lot about PCOS. I told her about issues, previous experience, and my doubt about having PCOS. One thing that I mentioned earlier in this post was if I had PCOS why hasn’t anyone ever seen or mentioned cysts. Come to find out you don’t have to have cysts on you ovaries to have PCOS. So at this point it’s almost certain I have PCOS. I will be going up to the OB department that Baiden was at to get a firm diagnosis and take part in some studies. I’m still holding out hope that I might be able to carry a little one but only time will tell. So many people have been happy for me that now finally I may have answers. They might be right but PCOS is not curable and it is only managed by birth control, diet, and insulin resistant meds. All but the birth control pills I’m already on and doing.
Over a year ago my Endocrinologist had wondered if I might have PCOS. (Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome) I have always struggled with weight gain, insulin resistance, acne, and irregular periods especially when I’m on a high level of insulin. She ran some tests and also found that I had high levels of testosterone that would explain the hair thinning on my head and extra hair where it shouldn’t be. She referred me to an OB/GYN to get a diagnosis and to also get on a game plan to start trying to conceive again. I remember thinking that I’m pretty sure I don’t have PCOS mainly because I don’t want another disease to deal with but also I had assumed that since it was a syndrome that causes cysts on the ovaries, there had been so many Dr.’s poking around down there and not one of them mentioned any cysts or the possibility of having PCOS! So it just seemed very unlikely to me or again I think I was just in denial. But I went to the OB. After 2hrs of waiting in the waiting area the OB’s PA came in…. she didn’t examine me or ask me any questions… and said (in so many words) that the reason why I had all the above symptoms was because I was obese and to not try to conceive. She even asked if I wanted her to prescribe me a birth control. I was devastated! I get the whole “medical opinion” but COME ON!! You don’t want to make sure that your patient is having medical issues JUST because they are a fatty mc fat face??!! I ended up leaving totally discouraged and done! Done! I’m so tired of the lack of care from medical care professionals! I don't want someone to tell me what I want to hear!
But I do want someone to tell me that we will find the problem, make sure it’s the problem, find the cause of the problem and find the solution. I would like a Doctor who will be on my team that will work just as hard or be a good coach that will give me the best game plans!
I haven’t had a Primary Care Doctor for over a year. My previous one….…. well that’s a long story no reason to go into it now.
My Endo can pretty much take care of all my diabetic things but she can’t do much else. Like a sickness and with the recent one and what happened to my body I knew it was time to get a Primary. I had watched a news story of MD and D.O’s. A D.O is someone who studies Osteopath. In a nut shell D.O’s focus on holistic healing, trying to solve medical issues by dealing with what’s going on mentally and emotionally. For a diabetic this is HUGE because stress and other life issues affect the insulin and sugar goings on in our bodies. This news story also talked about M.D.’s also being D.O.’s. So in my imagination I pictured a person that not only would take care of my medical needs but also giving me instruction and advise on how to take care of my personal and life needs. Since I was blind I sent Scott on a mission to find a MD/DO that took our insurance. The D.O. he made an appointment with was at a funeral so we saw another Dr. The first thing she asked was “How are you?” I went directly to telling her about my recent health issues and she said “That’s good. But how are YOU?” I was surprised but also vindicated. This is what I wanted and needed my Dr. to ask me. Dr. Baiden is her name. She isn't a D.O but she gave me power, strength, a tongue lashing, advise, confidence, a game plan, a realistic outlook but hope and a.......hug. I am that person who sometimes just needs someone to hold your hand, look you straight in the face and say ……..we will fight it and if there is a way to fix it we will find it!
So Dr. Baiden had done a lot of her pre-med with the OB department at the U of U. So she knows a lot about PCOS. I told her about issues, previous experience, and my doubt about having PCOS. One thing that I mentioned earlier in this post was if I had PCOS why hasn’t anyone ever seen or mentioned cysts. Come to find out you don’t have to have cysts on you ovaries to have PCOS. So at this point it’s almost certain I have PCOS. I will be going up to the OB department that Baiden was at to get a firm diagnosis and take part in some studies. I’m still holding out hope that I might be able to carry a little one but only time will tell. So many people have been happy for me that now finally I may have answers. They might be right but PCOS is not curable and it is only managed by birth control, diet, and insulin resistant meds. All but the birth control pills I’m already on and doing.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Life Lesson
What makes us…..us? We often find ourselves in conflict with our situations, the people around us, and even ourselves. Last night on the OWN network Oprah’s new show Life Lessons was about separating our ego from our “true selves”. When the word “ego” is brought up I always associate it with a person who thinks they are better than others or who are preoccupied with their status and their possessions (like most reality TV people). However I never realized that an “ego” is so much more. It’s when we get defensive, when someone offends us, even when we put ourselves down by thinking we are not worthy of whatever. Our ego often comes into play when we are thinking “I can’t sit there, I can’t talk with them, I can’t work there, I can’t wear that, I can’t shop there, I can’t buy that, I can’t let them see me, I can’t apologize, …………” because somehow we are afraid of judgments. A lady on the show last night shared her experience with identifying her “true self” apart from her ego. She said that when someone passes a judgment that is only their opinion and it is us who give it meaning. That was so profound to me. I realized that it’s our egos that provide that meaning. When we are offended, or get defensive when someone shares their judgment or their opinion it’s only because we defined what it meant. If we let negativity affect us, the way we feel about ourselves, the way we treat each other and how we choose to live out our lives it’s our “ego self” that is the driving force.
Maybe to better explain this I should share my personal struggle with my ego. Lately my health has not been so good. I will be fine but before I get better I always, for some reason, have to get worse. I have gained about 10lbs of weight. At least 8 of it I gained literally overnight due to water retention. My vision has been severely altered. It’s basically like I’m looking at the world through a thin glass of skim milk. I’ve been to the optometrist and I have a “milky” fluid on my lens that will eventually go away. If not they can go in and clean it out. I am also seeing a Dr. to hopefully get on a diuretic to help the water retention. In the mean time I’ve been living with the loss of vision and the inability to even remotely function. I’m back into my “fat” clothes after dropping 35lbs earlier this year. I feel my chin on my neck. Two of my favorite things about my “looks” are my hands and legs (Scott’s always dug my legs) and they are swollen and tight and I just got a terrible haircut and style I’m just flat out disgusted with myself. Lately I’ve looked in the mirror and have seen a childless, fat, oily faced, bad hair, and terribly dressed 31 year old! Because of the way I’ve felt I’m obviously not happy. I don’t want to see anyone or let me say this better… I don’t want anyone to see me. I go with what’s comfortable and what’s comfortable is my bedroom. I have been trying to focus on the good. I have a very understanding boss but I put the pressure on myself to be the best employee and not to be an inconvenience and that hasn’t been working out due to my impairment and illness. I have a very loving and wonderful husband who tells me I’m beautiful and that he loves me but all I can think is “what is this guy doing with someone like me?” So what does this mean? Am I just a sad pathetic excuse for a person and I need to just get over it or does this mean that I need to learn how to distinguish my “ego self” from my “true self”?
Earlier I mentioned that I have been living with what’s comfortable. Well that is just it. Because of my ego it’s so much easier NOT go out in the world just the way that I am. So I don’t have to face judgments on my failure as a human being. Not only because of the way I look but also the way I feel inside. I can’t “smile and wave” when I feel like punching someone in the face! So if I’m unhappy inside with what’s going on with the outside it usually shows. Our “ego selves” also cause us to have the desire to have some sort of validation on how special we are because of our status, the way we look, and our positions. But all this does is give us a good sense of our “ego selves” and false sense of our “true selves”.
This in no way means that when someone has wronged us we don’t have the right as human beings to have feelings or opinions. It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t strive for greatness or something better. It just simply means that we need to look at and handle things not through our “ego self” lens but through our “true self” lens. Things will be clearer our reactions and how we go about things will be different. We won’t be defensive and easily offended. We will lose the sense of entitlement and the need to be validated. You will be you and you will be happier.
I am so guilty being my “ego self” and not my “true self”. Understanding and acknowledging it is only half the battle. I know I will forget what I learned yesterday from time to time but even for today having this profound realization and understanding gives me hope that I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see from time to time and to be able to experience days of a egoless self that will allow me to be comfortable when I’m not in my bedroom.
So one question is to ask your self is "Where does my ego get in my way?"
PS This whole “ego self” idea comes from a book that is on my shopping list and of course is an “Oprah’s Book Club” book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Learn more here! Get it and we can learn more together!!
Maybe to better explain this I should share my personal struggle with my ego. Lately my health has not been so good. I will be fine but before I get better I always, for some reason, have to get worse. I have gained about 10lbs of weight. At least 8 of it I gained literally overnight due to water retention. My vision has been severely altered. It’s basically like I’m looking at the world through a thin glass of skim milk. I’ve been to the optometrist and I have a “milky” fluid on my lens that will eventually go away. If not they can go in and clean it out. I am also seeing a Dr. to hopefully get on a diuretic to help the water retention. In the mean time I’ve been living with the loss of vision and the inability to even remotely function. I’m back into my “fat” clothes after dropping 35lbs earlier this year. I feel my chin on my neck. Two of my favorite things about my “looks” are my hands and legs (Scott’s always dug my legs) and they are swollen and tight and I just got a terrible haircut and style I’m just flat out disgusted with myself. Lately I’ve looked in the mirror and have seen a childless, fat, oily faced, bad hair, and terribly dressed 31 year old! Because of the way I’ve felt I’m obviously not happy. I don’t want to see anyone or let me say this better… I don’t want anyone to see me. I go with what’s comfortable and what’s comfortable is my bedroom. I have been trying to focus on the good. I have a very understanding boss but I put the pressure on myself to be the best employee and not to be an inconvenience and that hasn’t been working out due to my impairment and illness. I have a very loving and wonderful husband who tells me I’m beautiful and that he loves me but all I can think is “what is this guy doing with someone like me?” So what does this mean? Am I just a sad pathetic excuse for a person and I need to just get over it or does this mean that I need to learn how to distinguish my “ego self” from my “true self”?
Earlier I mentioned that I have been living with what’s comfortable. Well that is just it. Because of my ego it’s so much easier NOT go out in the world just the way that I am. So I don’t have to face judgments on my failure as a human being. Not only because of the way I look but also the way I feel inside. I can’t “smile and wave” when I feel like punching someone in the face! So if I’m unhappy inside with what’s going on with the outside it usually shows. Our “ego selves” also cause us to have the desire to have some sort of validation on how special we are because of our status, the way we look, and our positions. But all this does is give us a good sense of our “ego selves” and false sense of our “true selves”.
This in no way means that when someone has wronged us we don’t have the right as human beings to have feelings or opinions. It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t strive for greatness or something better. It just simply means that we need to look at and handle things not through our “ego self” lens but through our “true self” lens. Things will be clearer our reactions and how we go about things will be different. We won’t be defensive and easily offended. We will lose the sense of entitlement and the need to be validated. You will be you and you will be happier.
I am so guilty being my “ego self” and not my “true self”. Understanding and acknowledging it is only half the battle. I know I will forget what I learned yesterday from time to time but even for today having this profound realization and understanding gives me hope that I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see from time to time and to be able to experience days of a egoless self that will allow me to be comfortable when I’m not in my bedroom.
So one question is to ask your self is "Where does my ego get in my way?"
PS This whole “ego self” idea comes from a book that is on my shopping list and of course is an “Oprah’s Book Club” book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Learn more here! Get it and we can learn more together!!
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