Life Lesson

What makes us…..us? We often find ourselves in conflict with our situations, the people around us, and even ourselves. Last night on the OWN network Oprah’s new show Life Lessons was about separating our ego from our “true selves”. When the word “ego” is brought up I always associate it with a person who thinks they are better than others or who are preoccupied with their status and their possessions (like most reality TV people). However I never realized that an “ego” is so much more. It’s when we get defensive, when someone offends us, even when we put ourselves down by thinking we are not worthy of whatever. Our ego often comes into play when we are thinking “I can’t sit there, I can’t talk with them, I can’t work there, I can’t wear that, I can’t shop there, I can’t buy that, I can’t let them see me, I can’t apologize, …………” because somehow we are afraid of judgments. A lady on the show last night shared her experience with identifying her “true self” apart from her ego. She said that when someone passes a judgment that is only their opinion and it is us who give it meaning. That was so profound to me. I realized that it’s our egos that provide that meaning. When we are offended, or get defensive when someone shares their judgment or their opinion it’s only because we defined what it meant. If we let negativity affect us, the way we feel about ourselves, the way we treat each other and how we choose to live out our lives it’s our “ego self” that is the driving force.

Maybe to better explain this I should share my personal struggle with my ego. Lately my health has not been so good. I will be fine but before I get better I always, for some reason, have to get worse. I have gained about 10lbs of weight. At least 8 of it I gained literally overnight due to water retention. My vision has been severely altered. It’s basically like I’m looking at the world through a thin glass of skim milk. I’ve been to the optometrist and I have a “milky” fluid on my lens that will eventually go away. If not they can go in and clean it out. I am also seeing a Dr. to hopefully get on a diuretic to help the water retention. In the mean time I’ve been living with the loss of vision and the inability to even remotely function. I’m back into my “fat” clothes after dropping 35lbs earlier this year. I feel my chin on my neck. Two of my favorite things about my “looks” are my hands and legs (Scott’s always dug my legs) and they are swollen and tight and I just got a terrible haircut and style I’m just flat out disgusted with myself. Lately I’ve looked in the mirror and have seen a childless, fat, oily faced, bad hair, and terribly dressed 31 year old! Because of the way I’ve felt I’m obviously not happy. I don’t want to see anyone or let me say this better… I don’t want anyone to see me. I go with what’s comfortable and what’s comfortable is my bedroom. I have been trying to focus on the good. I have a very understanding boss but I put the pressure on myself to be the best employee and not to be an inconvenience and that hasn’t been working out due to my impairment and illness. I have a very loving and wonderful husband who tells me I’m beautiful and that he loves me but all I can think is “what is this guy doing with someone like me?” So what does this mean? Am I just a sad pathetic excuse for a person and I need to just get over it or does this mean that I need to learn how to distinguish my “ego self” from my “true self”?

Earlier I mentioned that I have been living with what’s comfortable. Well that is just it. Because of my ego it’s so much easier NOT go out in the world just the way that I am. So I don’t have to face judgments on my failure as a human being. Not only because of the way I look but also the way I feel inside. I can’t “smile and wave” when I feel like punching someone in the face! So if I’m unhappy inside with what’s going on with the outside it usually shows. Our “ego selves” also cause us to have the desire to have some sort of validation on how special we are because of our status, the way we look, and our positions. But all this does is give us a good sense of our “ego selves” and false sense of our “true selves”.
This in no way means that when someone has wronged us we don’t have the right as human beings to have feelings or opinions. It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t strive for greatness or something better. It just simply means that we need to look at and handle things not through our “ego self” lens but through our “true self” lens. Things will be clearer our reactions and how we go about things will be different. We won’t be defensive and easily offended. We will lose the sense of entitlement and the need to be validated. You will be you and you will be happier.
I am so guilty being my “ego self” and not my “true self”. Understanding and acknowledging it is only half the battle. I know I will forget what I learned yesterday from time to time but even for today having this profound realization and understanding gives me hope that I can look in the mirror and be happy with what I see from time to time and to be able to experience days of a egoless self that will allow me to be comfortable when I’m not in my bedroom.

So one question is to ask your self is "Where does my ego get in my way?"

PS This whole “ego self” idea comes from a book that is on my shopping list and of course is an “Oprah’s Book Club” book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Learn more here! Get it and we can learn more together!!